I thought you should know...

Because so many of you have heard about the journey I've had with my friend I thought you should know that yesterday morning I received a Facebook message that my close friend TS passed away from issues related to her beast cancer. I was stunned, and carefully reread every word hoping I had somehow misread it. Of course everyone around TS knew she was dying but none of us wanted to accept it.

She had been battling breast cancer for more than two years. TS herself had told me two weeks ago that she knew she wouldn't live to see November. I remember telling her not to say that but she was insistant. She knew. Her insistance made me realize she was serious. It was time for me to accept the inevitable as well. Through sloppy tears I managed to croak out how much her friendship and sisterhood has meant to me and how much I love her. We cried for a long time. It's probably the most difficult thing I've had to do but I'm so glad I did it.

Some people never get to experience our kind of friendship. We've cheered each other on and consoled each other since I was eighteen years old. There was never any jealousy. We wanted the best for each other. Even when we had our rare disagreements, our friendship never waivered. How ironic and cruel that she passed away in October, a month dedicated to breast cancer awareness.

Currently I am a mixture of waves of emotions ranging from pure grief, to bottomless pits of sadness, to rage that this awful disease took a beautiful life away from this earth and away from me, to a dull numbness. I have lost a member of my tribe. It still feels unreal. I want to call her and have just one more marathon phone conversation like we've always done. I'm so glad that I got to spend a few days with her this summer. She was feeling good that week. She was smiling and being her amazing, funny self even while this disease was ravaging her body. Always a pillar of strength, grace, and love, I will miss my friend terribly. ~HZM